Scream Trilogy

Let's get this out straight away. When I first saw Scream I thought it totally rocked the shit, I don't know why. Sure I was about 14 but that's not really an excuse. Perhaps it's because Drew Barrymore gets gutted in to the first five minutes which I think should happen in every movie she's in - except E.T. that would be a bit harsh and ruin the magic. Scream was directed by Nightmare On Elm Street's Wes Craven and briefly brought him back into a respectable light after he made a couple of crappy movies. Namely New Nightmare and Vampire In Brooklyn - which had Eddie Murphy as some kind of stupid vampire pimp? After Scream though Craven's career subsequently slipped back down the toilet thanks to more crap movies like Red Eye and Cursed. Craven's name has since become a warning stamp of shitness on dvd boxes, much like John Carpenter's has.

Scream was released in 1996 and seemed quite revolutionary. It was a simpler time, when movie studios thought it would be a good idea to cast someone from Friends. The horror genre at this point had pretty much become a joke, usually featuring an unbelievable supernatural element of some-kind which would distance the audience because let's face it. Burnt pedophiles don't really enter our dreams and mutilate us with finger blades, even ones that wear bad ass hats and stripy jumpers.

The plot of Scream is pretty simple, a bunch of teenagers get killed off one by one by a killer with cool mask and an even cooler voice. The killer usually calls up the teens, fucks with them for a bit over the phone then jumps out and kills them. Basic stuff really. The identity of the killer is kept a secret until the final act and keeps you guessing throughout - more or less. There are some issues with the plot which do get on my tits. The killer is somehow able to away with murdering a whole bunch of people and the police don't have a clue what to do about it. They're trying to catch the killer but they're fucking useless, it's as if CSI doesn't exist. The cops can't trace the killers phone for some reason, there's no DNA evidence and because the killer wears a ghost mask it's almost like watching a weird disembowelment special of Scooby Doo but without the dog. Also, everyone looks really old. The teens all look mid-twenties at least which made me think that's how you were meant to look like that at 17-18. You lives and learns.

Sidney Prescott is the main character, played by Neve Cambell in her most well known role apart from her performance in Wild Things - a movie where she gets it on with Denise Richard and Matt Dillon, separately and at the same time. You also get to see Kevin Bacon's wang in that movie, if that doesn't sell Wild Things to you, nothing will. Sidney spends most of the movie dealing with her mothers rape and murder, and deciding wether she's going to get it on with her boyfriend Billy Loomis, played by Skeet Ulrich. All this while a getting stalked by a serial killer wearing a ghost face mask and what looks like black dress. Sidney eventually gives it up to Billy just before he reveals himself to be a fucking loon and one of the killers. Oh the simple joys of being a teenager.

The most well known actors in Scream are Courtney Cox and David Arquette. She plays a reporter and he plays a bumbling cop. Marvelous. Matt Lillard plays killer No 2 Stu, who spends the whole movie acting weird and is obviously involved in the murders. He's part of the main cast, doesn't get attacked and doesn't get accussed of anything so your just waiting for that reveal. Oh what a surprise the weirdo is one of the killers - sarcasm, classic. Stu's girlfriend is played by Rose Magowen, who does a fairly decent job at wearing tight tops and dying a pathetic death involving a garage door.

So what about the sequels. Fuck 'em. Scream 2 isn't as bad as bad as Scream 3. It features a pre-Deadwood Olyphant and an O'Donnel brother. A redeeming feature of Scream 2 is Jamie Kennedy gets brutally murdered after disappointingly surviving the first movie, If you find the guy as annoying as I do you'll appreciate this. If your not familiar with this spiky haired fuck-nut he operates under the delusion that he's funny. He had a show called the Jamie Kennedy Project/Experiment or something. It's basically an American version of Beadles About except the host doesn't have a weird hand. I only watched the third installment once and it's dire, the less said about it the better. To be honest I'd rather watch a monkey finger its own ass for an hour and a half than watch that piece of shit again. I think the killer turns out to be Sidney's long lost brother. This movie is so ridiculous it may as well have been set in fucking space.

Of course the series is getting a reboot because studios don't come up with new ideas for movies anymore and since Scream made some cash the first around why not? Hopefully Courtney Cox will be taking a break from Cougar Town (TV Show, not a real place) to get stabbed in the face along with simpleton hubby David Arquette at some point in the new remake/reboot/steaming shit.